I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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