I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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