Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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