Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
