Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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