plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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