My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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