You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
