the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
