Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
