I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
