My balls are so social today.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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