I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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