Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
