my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
