apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
