This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
