It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
my liver is dry heaving
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
