yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
