So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
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If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
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Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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