I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
