last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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