Your face is a jimmy john
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
