I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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