Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
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I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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