you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
