I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
