Welp...herpes.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
