I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
