i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just had sex on a roof
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
