What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.