dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.