Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted