yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.