We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
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Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
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I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
its like you know when i get waxed
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.