What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
