kristin has been a bad kristin
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
