Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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