People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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