Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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