remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
