FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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