i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
