There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
