Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
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You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
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He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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