I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
