The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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