I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
