he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
