Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
