Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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