i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
