I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
