His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize