I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
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I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.