Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.