And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM