In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
