i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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