so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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