i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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