So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
