i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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