oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
