I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
