I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
